weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
