I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
