i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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