I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
