i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
