Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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