just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
