mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
