first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
