when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
