Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
