I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
