first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize