I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize