Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I came so hard my ears popped.
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