I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
