If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
