i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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