Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
