At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ruined the universe
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
