U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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