i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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