You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
