meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
