Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and she was petting her beer can
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
