And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
