he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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