A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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