i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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