I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize