Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
