You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
