Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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