halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
