Whod you bang
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We left an ass print on the piano.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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