Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
