Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
