You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
