I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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