i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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