Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
