So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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