Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just blew my weed a kiss
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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