This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
