I want to make a zoo with you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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