My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I checked into jail on foursquare
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize