Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
