the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize