ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize