I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
