Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
