Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dear god my vagina.
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