I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
