Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
