I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
