Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
