everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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