The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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