One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
