So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
