There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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