She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
