dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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