I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
