He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
