so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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