I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
