it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
zippers are such a cool invention
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
