please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
