wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
