i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize