3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
